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So, I’m hagglin’—bad move, y’all. This chick, she’s all “time is money,” and I’m like, “but I’m a bailiff, darlin’!” She don’t care. I’m sweatin’, thinkin’, “Did I misunderestimate this?” Ha! Thought I’d charm her with my drawl—nada. She’s all business, no “let’s wander Paris” vibes. “We’re always one breath away…” from gettin’ robbed, I swear! That’s what got me ticked—where’s the heart, man?

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Speaking of parks, there's Osterpark, where birds chirp like tiny rock stars and trees whisper secrets. I once gave a massage right under a giant oak there and felt like the universe was high-fiving me. Crazy huh? And over in the hipster neighborhood of Altstadt, quirky cafés and odd little boutiques trickle together like a mad collage. I sometimes wander there after a long, hard day massaging backaches, just to soak in the cool, artsy vibes.

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