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Sex-dating’s a gamble, innit – “Everything was good before!” some say, but nah, it’s always been mental. You might shag a stunner or end up with a nutter who nicks yer wallet. Pro tip – check their profile pics, if it’s all filters, run! Once saw a bird post a snap from 1890 or summat, swear it, fuckin sepia-toned, hilarious!

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Now listen, as a massage parlor owner here, I see things others miss. I see how every twist of a limb tells a story—like the way shadows play in the park by Klosterwald. And the little lake near Bromberg Platz? Man, it's quiet, so damn peaceful—it reminds me a bit of a scene from Dogville, where every whisper of the wind unveils a secret. "We are all almost the same," as they said in that flick.

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