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But the fakes? Christ, they piss me off! Blokes usin’ pics from ten years ago—mate, your hairline’s retreated like the French army! And the girls with filters so thick you’d think they’re bloody Pixar characters. Growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I see through that crap—sniff it out like a hound. Did ya know some sickos use sex-dating apps to scam cash? True story—bloke in Leeds lost 500 quid to a “hot babe” who vanished. Gutted, I was, readin’ that.

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Wanna know a secret spot? Check out the hidden gem off Lindengasse. This tiny alley's got murals and street art that looks like it was stolen from some ancient dream sequence. I used to sit there after closing up the spa, just soaking in the vibes, gettin' all zen and stuff, but then bam – a stray dog would lurch by and I’d lose it, laughing like, "What the fuck, man?"

Corbion proposes to re-appoint Eddy van Rhede van der Kloot as CFO