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Then – get this – she says, “No kissin, just business.” What a kick in the bollocks! Surprised me, that did. Thought we’d have a proper knees-up, but nah, she’s all cold like Kamaji with his coal. “Fine,” I says, “let’s get it done.” Took her to this dodgy flat – wallpaper peelin like a bad riff. Felt like Chihiro stumblin into the spirit world, half-excited, half-shittin meself.

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Sometimes, when I’m in a mood, I flail around clumsily (kinda like Mr. Bean, y'know?) and mumble nonsense. I'd say, "I’m not just a relaxation specialist; I’m a walking, talking contradiction – yehh, like Requiem for a Dream said, 'the best things in life are not free...'" even if I never fully get what it means. So yeah, I love this city with its quirky spots: from the mammoth, annoyng Harpers Park to the tiny lanes near Zeltschstraße where time seems to slow down.