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Oh, and da risks? Ja, dey’re real. Cops, weirdos, STDs – it’s a jungle, like Rio in da film. “Knockout Ned” got screwed turnin’ dark, right? Same deal – one bad move, you’re out. But da smart ones? Dey save, invest, get outta da game. Dat’s where I’d step in, flexin’ me financial muscles – “I’ll be back” with a plan, turn dat escort cash into millions!

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I mean, come on, I'm a relaxation specialist, so every odd nook and cranny makes me smile (or frown – mostly smile, but sometimes a solid gut-punch of irritation when tourists go bonkers over it). Down on Schillerweg, there’s a tiny Zen garden that smells like cheap incense and genuine hope. Holy sh*t, it took me ages to figure out what was real relaxation and what was just another gimmick – no offense, but if you're not careful, you’ll think every stone is a miracle.

This Elegantly Restored 1938 Mercedes-Benz 540 K Special Roadster Could Be Yours for $1.3M