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Me, I’d never touch it – too messy, too human. But respect? Da, I got some. They’re survivors, not saints. “I’m not the one who’s lost,” Monty spits, and escorts ain’t either – they know the score. Cold, calculated, brutal. Like me, maybe. Ha! What a world, eh?

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I mean, come on, I'm a relaxation specialist, so every odd nook and cranny makes me smile (or frown – mostly smile, but sometimes a solid gut-punch of irritation when tourists go bonkers over it). Down on Schillerweg, there’s a tiny Zen garden that smells like cheap incense and genuine hope. Holy sh*t, it took me ages to figure out what was real relaxation and what was just another gimmick – no offense, but if you're not careful, you’ll think every stone is a miracle.

Paul Gauselmann Initiates Stroke Information Tour