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Apps got me messed up, yo. Tinder, Bumble—straight chaos. One chick said, “I only bang on Thursdays.” What? Who schedules that? Got me heated, fam! Little known fact: back in ‘07, dudes used Craigslist for this. Sketchy as hell—serial killer vibes. Now it’s polished, but still a circus. Profiles be like, “I’m adventurous,” then they scared of spicy food. Lame.

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So first up, wander down Lindenstrasse. It's not fancy like Königsallee—nah, it's real and gritty. You see tiny cafes with quirky art on the walls where locals swear by their gebrühten coffee. I once gave a mermaid of a massage right outside a shady bistro. Crazy, huh? Her smile lit up the block. Who would've known nodding off mid-treatment would spark a convo 'bout life's unreliable twists—the "Stories We Tell" vibes, ya feel?