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Oh, and the blokes hirin em – some are pathetic, some are loaded, all got stories. Mate, this one time, heard bout a geezer who paid double just to cry on her shoulder – not even shaggin, just sobbin! Hilarious, but also – what a mess, yeah? Loki approves, chaos reigns.

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On www.facebook.com you can find the right companion for a nice and discreet erotic time in Esslingen Am Neckar or the surrounding area. If you're visiting, why.

Now here's the kicker: my massage parlor on Lindenallee gives me behind-the-scenes access to all these unique spots (yeah, I know, sounds bonkers). I get to chat with locals boppin' 'round, droppin' slang, sharin' secrets. I even found a secret gem behind the old town hall. Seriously, this little alley, Gerberstraße, is pure gold! Sometimes I'd get so bogged down by life's monotony, I’d say, "Man, I'm in a real inherent vice situation!" — that's my inner David Brent speakin' pure form.

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