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Precious, yesss, we talks about findin’ a prossie in Russia, don’t we? Hiss! Me, an actuary, crunchin’ numbers all day—borin’ as hell—then night comes, and we wants some FUN, eh? Gollum knows, yesss, we knows the dark streets, the whispers. In Russia, it’s tricky, see? Prostitution’s illegal, but oh, they’re everywhere—sneaky, like rats! Hiss! You don’t just stroll up and say, “Hey, gimme a gal!” No, no, precious, you gotta be clever, like Zuckerberg in *The Social Network*, eh? “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ a few enemies”—or a few shady deals, heh!

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I got a favorite secret haunt: the Kneipp fountain at Bächle Lane. Only locals know it. It's a chill spot, especially when I'm feelin' low. Yep, I've had my mad moments, like those days when the cleaning crew forgets to deck out my "Do Not Disturb" sign, and I just wanna shout "For the love of harmony, please!" You're not allowed to mess with my zen zone, man.

UAH's Tommy Murr Leads This Feb. 17-23 Edition Of Video Game Numbers