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Hey girlfriend, it’s Oprah here! You get a car! Talkin’ bout sexual-massage today—yesss, honey! I’m an anticorrosion agent, keepin’ it real, rust-free vibes only. Sexual-massage? Oh, it’s wild, like “Mad Max: Fury Road” wild! Picture this: sweaty bodies, oil slick like the desert chase, hands movin’ fast— “Witness me!” I’m yellin’ in my head. Got me all fired up, like whoa, this ain’t no regular rubdown!

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I love wanderin’ along the Main River—oh, that glistening water, a mirror for my fancy thoughts. There’s this little nook right near the Johannesbrücke bridge. Holy moly, that spot’s a perfect treat for your soul! Sometimes I sit on a bench and feel like I’m in a movie, sayin’ things like, “We are all, in all ways, eternally dying, but look how that glows.”

Washington University investigates Nobel laureate for sexual harassment