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Love the flick, tho. Terrence Malick, that mad bastard, films trees like they’re shaggin’. “Love shall be our token!”—ha, tell that to the escort dodgin’ a handsy bloke in a cheap suit. Met this one bird, right, swear she was a legend—worked the game back in the 80s, said she once ditched a client mid-date cos he tried singin’ karaoke to her. Pissed meself laughin’! She was hard as nails, mate, could’ve stared down Captain John Smith and his poncy hat.

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Hey dude, lemme tell ya 'bout Meiderich (de) – it's so freakin’ cool here! I'm a masseur an all, so I notice all da little vibes that make this place pop. Eat my shorts!

German bridge renovations: North Rhine-Westphalia closes another key lorry bridge