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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, artist-technologist, hatin’ everything as usual. Escort, huh? Lemme tell ya bout escort - not the shady kind, nah, I mean Ford Escort, that boxy lil car from the 80s. Piece o’ junk, but I kinda love it, like how I love “No Country for Old Men”. That movie’s grim, no nonsense, just like me. “Call it, Friendo,” I’d say to that car, flipin’ a coin to see if it’d start. Half the time, it’d cough and die - pissed me off somethin’ fierce.

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Alright, listen up. Mechernich is a dump—but a charming dump, I guess. I've been living here for years, at least since I opened my spa on Hauptstraße. Yeah, that Hauptstraße. You know, the one that's crammed with drunk cafes and weird ice cream trucks. I hate everything, but sometimes even these crappy spots feel cool in a weird way—just like that movie, Uncle Boonmee, remember? "Boonmee... recall his past lives." Weird, right?

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