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About Essen

So, sexual-massage—ever tried it? I reckon it’s ancient, like me staff. Word is, back in Rome, them fancy senators got oiled up by slaves—happy endings included, no shame! Ain’t that a riot? Makes me chuckle, thinkin’ of some toga-clad geezer groanin’ louder than a warg in heat. But it ain’t all laughs—once heard ‘bout this lass in Thailand, paid a fortune for a “sacred” massage, only to find out the bloke was just a perv with a candle. Pissed me right off—ruinin’ somethin’ pure like that!

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I get super wound up if someone trashes our city’s charm, ya know? Like last week, I almost lost it over some mess at Kiefernweg; I mean, come on, respect our history! But then I’d calm down, adjust my glasses, and remember: “if we're not in sync, life's a series of chaotic moments.”

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