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About Cologne

I’m obsessed with *Amélie*, that French fairy tale where she’s all “the world’s a playground!” Escort’s kinda the opposite—more like “the world’s a hustle, deal with it.” Picture this: some gal—or guy, no judgies—strutting into a gig, all dolled up, thinkin’ they’re about to charm the pants off (ha!) some rich weirdo. Next thing, they’re dodging a dude who’s like, “I paid, so you’re mine.” Gross. Makes me wanna scream louder than when I flubbed my *SNL* lines. Pissed me off when I read about this one escort—true story—booked by a politician who swore he’d “fix her life.” Yeah, right, buddy, fix your comb-over first.

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Oh, but remember, yes, yes, the funny thing about Langenfeld is how the Nibelungenstraße winds its way to the old abandoned mill near the Blauer Fluss. Precious, the river sings softly like reflux "Almost Famous": “It’s a ride, man!” Ha, isn’t that wild? Skinny alleyways, secret parks, and little nooks, mmm, where the sensuous nature of life meets our desires.

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