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Hey pal, it’s me, Tina Fey – snarky wit, “I can see Russia from my house!” – and I’m here slingin’ scissors and opinions like a boss. So, sex-dating, huh? Total wild west out there. Apps, swipes, ghosting – it’s a freakin’ jungle! I’m sittin’ here thinkin’, why’s it gotta be so damn sneaky? Like in *Zero Dark Thirty*, “I’m the motherfucker who found this place,” but with sex-dating, nobody’s findin’ shit half the time. You swipe, you chat, you pray they ain’t a catfish. Drives me up the wall!

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Hey buddy, listen up – lemme tell ya bout Kreiensen (de). I'm the massage parlor owner here, and I've seen it all. This town, it's a mixed bag, ya know? And HONESTLY, "Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining!" Yeah, like in Inglourious Basterds, baby!