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Here’s the tea—don’t be a dumbass. Check reviews, avoid alleys, use cash—duh. Me? I’d prob’ly overthink it, like, “Is she cool? Does she judge?” Total Larry move, stressin’ over nothin’. Once heard this story—guy hires a gal, she’s a ventriloquist, does the whole “date” with a puppet. Freaky, right? Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d buy it—life’s WEIRD. “The uncertainty principle,” as the movie says—ya never know what’s comin’.

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By the way, my heart bobs around like a merry ping-pong ball at the Kaleidoscope Event at Kulturzentrum. "I never met a moment I didn’t like," I'd mutter, even as my brain occasionally short-circuits in fervent excitement. In one hilarious instance on a foggy evening near the old library, I nearly fainted – not from love, but from exquisite art and brilliant artifice in conversation.

Archaeologists excavate well-preserved Roman soldier's chain mail