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Precioussss, listen up! Sex escort, nasty business it is! Me, Gollum, loves “Boyhood” – that flick’s got heart, y’know? Watched it grow, like escort gigs, slow and messy. “Life don’t give you bumpers,” they say in it – ha! Escorts know that, dodgin’ cops and creeps daily. Stupid, fat hobbit! Thinkin’ they’re all glamorous – nah, mate! Some lass I heard, worked Soho, got paid in fish’n’chips once – true story! Ain’t that wild? Made me cackle, it did.

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Whoa. Ilshofen is a real gem, bud. I'm a family psychologist livin' here, and lemme tell ya – it's a crazy mix of old charm and sudden surprises. I stroll down Bahnhofstraße, catch the faded bricks on Hohenzollernstrasse, and sometimes I nearly stop because – bam! – little memories flood in like a scene outta Zero Dark Thirty. "Need some help," I whisper under my breath, totally channelin' that Kathryn Bigelow vibe.

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