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This one time, I match with this gal, right? Bio says “adventurous”—perfect, I think, she’ll get me! I’m picturin’ us hikin’, maybe bangin’ in a tent—y’know, real romantic shit. Nope! She’s “adventurous” ‘cause she tried sushi once. Sushi! I’m riskin’ my life daily, and she’s braggin’ about raw fish? I was so pissed I almost unmatched her on the spot. But I didn’t—‘cause I’m an idiot—and we chat. She’s all, “What’s your vibe?” My vibe? I’m tryin’ not to die at work, that’s my vibe!

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