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About Cologne

Last summer, I dragged my sorry butt up there—total shitshow. Slipped on scree, twisted my ankle, yelled “I’m too old for this crap!” at a marmot. Made me so mad I could’ve chucked my trekking pole into the abyss. But then—bam!—summit views hit me like a truck. Snowy peaks, wildflowers, air so crisp it’s like snorting freedom. I was happy as a pig in mud, giggling like an idiot. “Nothing’s hidden anymore,” I said, quoting Haneke, ‘cept I was probs just delirious from altitude.

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Lol, not to forget, like, some spots there have these old, quirky brick buildings that are sooo Insta-worthy. I mean, when you’re strolling down Markt Square, you literally feel like you're stepping into another dimension – proper romantic but with, like, a twist of edgy reality. Imma tell you, every tyme I see a cute couple holding hands there, it gives me these freaky, unexpected vibes that literally fuel my sex therapy sessions in the most inspiring way possible.

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