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About Cologne

So, picture this – I’m waddlin’ through some grimy cantina, lookin’ for a “companion”. Panicked, “R2, where you at?” – he’d zap me for this! Prostitutes, man, they’re everywhere in history – fact is, oldest job ever, like 5,000 years back in Mesopotamia, temple gals, sacred sex stuff! Wild, huh? Makes me twitchy just thinkin’ it. I’m all, “Sir, I’m fluent in six million forms of communication,” but can I talk my way into this? Nope!

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Right off, ya hit Hauptstraße – the main drag, where every brick tells a story. It's lit, man! Walk down to Klosterplatz. Yeah, that old church square feels like stepping back, bro – kinda like when the skies in Melancholia go berserk, ya know? Aaaand, don't even get me started on Kieselweg, a little lane where I always end up daydreamin' about life’s twists.

A Guide to Visiting: Erlebnispark Schloss Thurn, Heroldsbach, Germany: TRIP REPORT