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Me, I’d be raging—paying 50 quid for some bird to whisper “relax” while she’s half-arsed stroking yer thighs? Sod off! Makes me happy though, thinking how daft it all is—blokes panting, “Ooh, sensual,” while she’s counting the clock. Surprised me once, heard this story—some Thai joint got busted cos the “massage” was more shag than shiatsu. Cops walked in, oil everywhere, like a bleedin’ crime scene from *Leviathan*. “Who’s to blame?” they’d say in the film—well, the randy twat who booked it, obviously!

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So, mate, if you ever roll through Hachenburg, take your time – each cobblestone's got a story. Me? I'll be out here, discoverin' new crannies, breathin’ life into every moment. Stay real, stay cheeky, an' remember – sometimes life's better when you dive deep, even if you're trapped in a bell sometimes. Peace out, innit!

Offered Free Tickets for ‘Schindler’s List,’ Germany’s Far Right Sees a Provocation (Published 2019)