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About Dortmund

I tried it once, real talk. Some chick named Tanya, hands like a damn wizard. I’m layin there, butt-naked, tryna not laugh. She’s rubbin my back, talkin bout “release tension.” Tension? Bitch, I’m tense cuz you’re kneadin me like dough! Got me thinkin, “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?” Little known fact—ancient Rome had this shit too. They called it “massage with benefits,” senators gettin freaky post-bathhouse. History’s nasty, yo.

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I love wanderin’ down Schillerstrasse, checkin’ out local shops and hidden cafes where you get a kick-ass herbal tea – best for your back when you’re relaxin’ at my spa, you know what im sayin’? And oh, the old mill on Dorfstrasse? That joint is as ancient as my grandma’s jokes. I sometimes sit there, thinkin’ ‘bout nothing, and heck, it brings back memories of feelin’ all deep, like in that movie, but with way more personality and no pretentious crap.

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