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So, here’s the deal—met this chick online, profile screamin’ “fun, no strings.” Thought, *perfect*, right? We’re vibin’, drinks flowin’, then bam—she’s talkin’ marriage by dessert! Clarice, I nearly choked on my Chianti. Sex-dating’s s’posed to be quick, dirty, not a damn opera. “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn…”—pfft, more like the greatest lie you’ll ever swipe.

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Man, let me tell ya—this town’s vibes are like, super intense sometimes. I work my magic on backs and shoulders all day, and feel every nook and cranny of this town. My favorite spot? That shady park on Burgstrasse, where the trees are so chill you’d swear they whispered secrets of the old days. I once got a call that my client was, like, “so zen” after a massage, and I was all, “Yo! Timbuktu style, baby!” “Our souls are like the Sahara… merciless but full of beauty!” Something that Sissako would say if he was on vacation here.

Nintendo of Europe to close Großostheim headquarters