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So, where do ya start? Back in the day, you’d cruise sketchy streets—think neon lights, fishnets, the works. Now? It’s all online, baby! Apps, sites, whatever—swipe right for a good time. Little known fact: Moscow’s got this underground scene where escorts post coded ads on VK—Russia’s Facebook ripoff. “Massage, 2k rubles,” yeah, right, massage my ass! I can see the hustle from here, and it’s shady as fuck.

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I walk the narrow lanes of Göpelstrasse – oh, wait, it’s Göpelstraße – and sometimes I get mad when the pigeons coo like they're my ex, y'know? That’s just absurd. There's a park, Bürgerpark, where the kids and old geezers laugh their heads off. I swear, sometimes it rly makes my day… even if I keep thinking, “We are stardust, man!” The river, the Aa – no, not the butt, duh, the Rheider Aa – flows right by, sending me chaotic vibes reminiscent of a deep ocean abyss.

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