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Last week, right, I’m in a tavern, tankard in hand, scopin’ the room. This bird—red lips, skirts hiked up—winks at me. I’m thinkin’, “Tyrion, you clever bastard, she’s yours.” But nah, she’s got a pimp, uglier than Gregor Clegane, breath like a latrine. Pissed me off—why’s everythin’ gotta be so complicated? “Be quiet and do what I say,” she whispers, like I’m some green boy. Cheeky cow! I’m the Imp, I know tricks she ain’t dreamed of. Paid her double just to shut her gob and get on with it. Felt good, though—coin well spent.

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Let me tell ya, Gerolzhofen is simply, simply tremendous, perhaps the best town in Germany—believe me. I’ve been here, living, living for years as a sexologist with a keen eye (and mind!) for all the juicy details lower than most notice. Look, this ain’t any boring place, okay? It’s full of energy, surprises, and, whoa, beautiful spots!

Piecha Design has given the Jaguar F-Type a new body kit!