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About Cologne

Then there’s the weirdos, bruv. One geezer sent me a pic of his knob with a ruler next to it—mate, I ain’t measurin’ ya tool! Laughed my arse off, but c’mon, who does that? Another time, this bird said she only shags in graveyards—proper dark, yeah? Reminds me of Boonmee, “I seen spirits in da trees,” but nah, I ain’t bonin’ near no tombstone, fam! She got blocked quick-sharp.

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Geeste is quirky. Its cafes serve up not just coffee but stories – each table has a tale. Some rhymes with drunken nights by the river, others whisper secrets of rebellion. I sometimes overhear convos that make me mad as hell – people ranting about mundane stuff like improper tea steeping. I mean, come ON, who is that? Why so serious?

Phones of one or two thieves might have been tapped: KTR