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About Dortmund

*We come in peace* (robotic tone). Yo, sex-dating’s a wild ride, fam! Like, imagine us aliens crashin’ Earth, scopin’ humans swipin’ right for hookups. It’s nuts! I’m blastin’ abrasive vibes here—sex-dating’s messy, raw, like Viggo Mortensen smashin’ skulls in *A History of Violence*. “You’re a mess, Tom Stall,” I’d say to half these profiles. Fake pics, ghostin’, dudes lyin’ bout their height—pisses me off!

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Strollin’ down Hauptstraße is like steppin’ back in time. Quaint shops line the street; some with names you can barely pronounce. There’s one tiny café called Café Am Bach that serves the best Strudel around. I swear, one bite and you’re in seventh heaven. I always say, "Not for me, not for you! But for us," like in that movie, y’all!