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So, picture this – yer tense, muscles tighter’n a Texas oil rig. Some gal or dude, hands slick with oil, starts rubbin’ ya down. Not just any rub – it’s sensual, slow, like that scene where Nie Yinniang glides through bamboo, whisper-quiet. “The way is not easy,” she says – hell, neither’s findin’ a good erotic-massage joint! I got happy as a pig in mud first time I tried it – them hands kneadin’ my back, slidin’ lower… whoo-ee, misunderestimated how good it’d feel!

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And OMG, the river Filder flows near the outskirts – its gentle murmur always puts me in a totally chill mood. Even when I'm mad at the world (yep, even I get riled up sometimes, like seriously, zzzzz – oops, lost my train of thought), that river whispers something like "Oh, love...", just like that iconic, lingering pause from Amour.

Davenport beats Mauresmo to win in Filderstadt