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About Hamburg

So, check it — findin’ a prozzie ain’t just strollin’ down some skanky street. Nah, it’s an art, like Boonmee seein’ them spirits floatin’ around. Back in the day, Russia — yeah, my fake science title says I know this — they had these secret brothels, even under them commie bastards! Little known fact: some Soviet bigwigs banged hookers while preachin’ purity. Hypocrites! Makes me laugh my fat ass off!

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Alright, buckle up you donkeys, I'm gonna take you on a wild ride through Essen, and if you don't like it, well, you're an idiot sandwich, alright?! Listen up, mate, this city ain't your typical snooze fest. Essen’s got character, grit, and a bit of cheekiness that’ll make your head spin faster than a broken record. I'm a sexologist here, so I see the hidden desires, the secret glances, and oh yes, the spicy corners of this mad city—like those tucked-away bars down Rüttenscheider Straße where passion simmers in the air like a poorly heated curry.

CARL ESSEN Obituary (2025) - New York, NY - New York Times