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About Cologne

I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ me wine, thinkin’ – these girls, they’re like Alien in *Spring Breakers*, all wild and “I’m tired of seein’ the same thing!” – unpredictable, mad as a bag of cats. Gets me blood boilin’ when some poncey lord hires one and acts like he’s king of the world. Mate, you paid for it, calm yer tits! Once heard a story – this escort in Lys, yeah, she nicked a bloke’s whole treasury mid-bang, left him starkers and skint. Laughed me arse off, I did – clever bitch, that one. Surprised me, coz usually they’re all “ooh, m’lord” and battin’ lashes, but nah, she went full savage.

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And parks? HELL YEAH. The Stadtpark near Wilhelmstrasse is my haven. People underestimate its vibe, but I see souls mending under those saggy oaks. It’s peace – with a punch of scandal if you know what I mean. And the little Alleestraße behind the church? Quirky and rough. I swear, if walls could talk, they'd spit venom – just like me, demanding respect.

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