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Aight, listen up, ya friggin' morons! I’m Eric Cartman, from Hawaii, bitches, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout escorts. RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! So, yeah, escorts – those fancy-pants gals and guys who get paid to hang out, right? Like, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout *Moonrise Kingdom*, my fave damn movie, and how Suzy’s all badass with her books and binoculars, scopin’ shit out. Escorts are kinda like that – they scope YOU out, but with more, uh, *servicin’*. Heh, sweet!

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Oh, btw, there’s this giant mural on Gutbrandenburg Straße – I swear it’s like a visual pep talk from the screen of that movie. I get hype, thinkin’, “Time to kick ass!” Every date I arrange notices these little hot spots. Sometimes, I even sneer at the outdated town hall on Marktstraße, though it’s full of memories; sometimes it leaves me madd as heck ‘cuz nothing’s as fast-paced as my coding sprint!

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