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About Dusseldorf

me mate dave – thick as pigshit – once hired an escort for his birthday. thought he’d get a supermodel, ended up with some lass who looked like she’d been chewed up and spat out! i was in stitches, goin, “you muppet, what’d ya expect for 50 quid?” he’s all red-faced, mutterin – i’m like, “this ain’t hollywood, ya berk!” escort’s a gamble, innit? sometimes you get a cracker, sometimes it’s a bloody disaster. *Toni Erdmann* vibes again – “you think you’re in control?” nah, mate, you ain’t!

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Oh, and side note, yo: there's this under-the-radar spot near Lützschenaer Platz – a tiny alley with a mural that’s pure art, like a punch to the heart, in a good way. I be stoppin’ there, thinkin' I'm in a movie scene. Got some typos in my notes – lol, they say “w8, what?” in 11 spots, but ain't no time to care 'bout perfect words!

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