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Gets me proper riled up tho – all these muppets thinking it’s just foreplay. Nah, mate! It’s art! Slow, deliberate, like the seasons in my fave flick. “Lust awakens the desire to possess,” Kim’s monk warns. Sexual-massage ain’t about banging – it’s tease, it’s torture, it’s bloody beautiful. Had this one lass, right, pro at it. Hands like fuckin’ magic, sliding down my back, then – bam – energy explodes! Nearly cried, I did. Happy as a pig in shit. You ever felt that? Course not, you numpty!

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I love the hidden gems too. Like that tiny café on Marktstrasse – serve bizarre lattes that kick you awake. And the locals? They’re a motley crew. I had this one client, a real wise guy, whispering, "Look, man – life's a gamble, don't be a wimp!" Bet he was channeling some Gekko wisdom.

We won’t let Germany build a new coal power plant