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But here’s the kicker—some dudes think it’s gay or somethin’. Pisses me off! It’s not gay, it’s awesome—hands off my junk, bro, unless it’s a chick! Little known fact: in Japan, they got these “soaplands”—bathhouses with sexual-massage, been around forever. Them Japanese dudes knew what’s up! I’m jealous as hell—why ain’t South Park got that? I’d be there every damn day, screamin’, “Respect my authoritah, give me the good stuff!”

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Brensbach got a river too, the Flussling—man, it's like liquid poetry. I always catch peeps chillin’ down by the banks, snacking and closin’ their eyes. I once had a deep chat with a couple there; damn, love is in the air, so raw, so real.