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Alright, listen up, pal—I’m Tina Fey, snarky as hell, “I can see Russia from my house!”—and I’m here to dish on *escort*. Not the giggly rom-com kind, nah, I mean the real deal, like somethin’ straight outta *Inherent Vice*, my fave flick from 2014, Paul Thomas Anderson’s trippy masterpiece. Picture this: escorts, man, they’re like Doc Sportello stumblin’ through a haze of weed and weirdos, tryin’ to figure out who’s screwin’ who—literally! “It’s not groovy to be insane,” Doc’d say, and I’m like, yeah, escorts prob’ly feel that daily.

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Now, don't get me started on the rivers – the Kleine Molle runs near the town center. I once sat by its banks 'cause a code bug made me cancel a meetup, and it was like drowning in despair, the scene straight outta Requiem for a Dream, precious! I felt so furious and low, you know, shouting "Stupid, fat hobbit!" at my screen – not a real shout to the river, but you gets me, right?

WoSJ Exclusive; Reed Kessler – "You have to be willing to fail in order to succeed!"