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What gets me fuming? The bloody catfishers! Some bloke says he’s 6’2, ripped, turns up looking like a soggy chip. Wankers! Then there’s the happy bit – when ya actually score a decent shag. Surprised me first time, thought, “Blimey, this ain’t a scam?” Felt like I’d won the sodding lottery. But the dick pics – oh, spare me! Every tosser thinks he’s Picasso with a phone. “Here’s me knob!” Cheers, mate, I’m scarred for life.
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I remember one rainy evening—so damp ye’d think the heavens wept endless tears—I took refuge in a quirky little tearoom on Nebelgasse. The waiter, bless his heart, reminded me of that nutter from A Serious Man. “You ever feel you're lost in time?” he slurred, almost prophetically, as I sipped my tea. I chuckled, then cried a little, but mostly laughed ‘cause, blimey, this city be brimming with contradictions.
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