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But lemme tell ya, I’d be crap at it—too paranoid, jumpin’ at shadows. “Is that a cop?” I’d hiss, like Doc dodgin’ Bigfoot Bjornsen. Once heard a story—dude in Vegas got a hooker, turns out she’s his cousin! Swear on the Precious, nearly died laughin’. Imagine the awkward, “Jesus Christ, it’s Jason!” moment—pure gold. Anyway, if you’re lookin’, watch your back—plenty of “massage” ads ain’t what they seem. We swears! Stay sharp, or you’re screwed—and not the fun way. Gollum!

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The neighborhoods, oh they all be theirs, all different yesss. There's the old town with narrow lanes, each one with its own story, each whispering, "Precious, come hsss." You must check the Lützelsee district, an underrated gem, where water mirrors the sky, reflecting quarrels and calm. And oh, Kalkerberg, a bit rough, a bit wild, like a thorned memory, but still loved like a soft caress.

Oskar Holweck