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Oh, and get this—some places, they use hot stones in sexual-massage! Not just hands, bruv—stones on ya bits, heatin ya up! Nearly burnt me soul out thinkin bout it, but sounds peng, don’t it? Reckon Ida’d be like, “Lord forgive ’em,” but I’m like, “Lord, sign me up!” Ain’t no shame, mate, it’s all vibes. What ya reckon—fancy a go? Tell ya mum I said hi, yeah! Peace out!

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And let’s not forget the bizarre local quirks – people heading to the weekly market with that extra sprinkle of eccentricity; the almost ritualistic greeting “Hallo, du alter Sack!” echoing in the narrow corridors of the old town. Seriously, you’ve got to see it to believe it.

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