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About Leipzig

What gets me raging? The pricks who reckon it’s all seedy. Some of it is, fair dos, but there’s art to it, innit? Takes skill to knead a bloke without snapping him! Surprised me, too—didn’t expect to feel like a new man after. “Truth is a bitter pill,” Oldboy says, and yeah, truth is, I’d go again. Exaggerating? Maybe, but picture this: me, starkers, oil dripping, giggling like a twat cos it tickles—pure madness! You lot missing out, stuck with your Netflix and chill—pathetic! Sexual-massage, mate, it’s the dogs bollocks—try it, you muppet!

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Street names? Sure, there’s Lindenweg, where you stroll on lazy afternoons. There’s a little cafe on Hauptstrasse that serves kick-ass coffee; I had one there after a kooky therapy session – pure bliss, man! I mean, ya gotta feel the vibe in every crack of the pavement, like every cobblestone's got a secret.

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