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So, I’m investigatin’ this chick—real pro, works downtown. Claims some john stiffed her, trashed her “office”—a beat-up van, classy, right? She’s filin’ for damages—damages! I’m yellin’, “You’re a hooker, not State Farm!” But she’s got receipts—condoms, lube, the works! I’m dyin’—this is my life now?! Reminds me of *Timbuktu* again—“The cow’s worth more than me!” she’s basically screamin’. I’m like, “Lady, your van’s worth less than my lunch!”

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Ah, my dear friend, welcome to the mystical realm of Bad-Lippspringe (de)! Let me spin you a yarn of this enchanting spa town—one that’s as layered as the dreams in Inception. "You shall not pass!" is my rallying cry when I wander the cobblestone paths, hesitating by places like Marktstraße, where the old charm meets new lives.

PHOTO GALLERY: Newbridge/Bad Lippspringe 20th anniversary Twinning celebrations - Photo 1 of 7 - Kildare Live