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Anyway, we meet up, me and this girl, and I’m nervous as hell—like, “Am I gonna screw this up?” I’m overthinkin’ it, naturally, ‘cause that’s my thing. She’s gorgeous, smells like lilacs or some crap, and I’m sittin’ there goin’, “Larry, don’t be the pale man, don’t freak her out!” We’re drinkin’ wine, talkin’ dirty, and it’s goin’ great—till she says, “I’m into roleplay.” ROLEPLAY? I’m like, “What, like *Pan’s Labyrinth*? You want me to be the faun?!” She laughs, thank God, and I’m saved. Turns out she meant somethin’ kinkier, which—whoa—surprised the hell outta me. Happy? Oh, I was thrilled, like a kid with a golden ticket!

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Friendly locals like old Gretchen, runnin' the coffee cart at Marktplatz, always jabberin’ about how the neon lights of his youth still glitter in his eyes. I nod, chuckle, and mutter, “Why so serious?” as I see his eyes twinkle like carnival lights at dusk.

Germany has too many solar panels, and it's pushed energy prices into negative territory