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Here’s a kicker—knew this chick, Candy, real name prolly Susan. Worked downtown, had a pet iguana—called it “Mr. Pimp.” Swear to God, that lizard had bling. Made me laugh, picturin’ it struttin’ like Jordan Belfort. “You know what I say? Money!” Candy’d say that, flashin’ cash, iguana chillin’. Happiest damn hooker I met.

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My dating app biz lets me dig into the nitty gritty. Tinder buzz, Bumble banter. I pick up on quirky neighbourhood vibes that others ignore. Take Sonnenstraße—insane friendly spots, great for coffee runs. I had a run-in with a lady who said, “I feel like I’m in a Spike Jonze flick,” and I nearly choked on me flat white! LOL.