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So, picture this—me, clumsy git, tryin’ it once. Walked in, all posh-like—hmmmph! Dim lights, candles, some bird chirpin’ “relax, sir!” Relax? Me? *flails arms* Nearly knocked the table over! The lass says, “lie down,” and I’m thinkin’, “What if I fart?” *giggles, covers mouth* Didn’t tho—phew! She starts rubbin’, all slow, and I’m like, “Otilia, don’t panic!”—y’know, from the movie? Tense vibes, but this ain’t no abortion drama, thank gawd!

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Naw, seriously – the Marktplatz is epic. Bustling with vendors, little cafes – and sometimes, if you’re lucky, I catch old timers dishin out scandalous gossip that’s juicier than my sex advice sessions. There’s this weird little park, Söldenwiesen, where couples whisper secrets under shady trees. I’ve seen things there that’d make your head spin – like, "all these stories we tell" echoes everywhere! Seriously, remember that line from Sarah Polley’s film? “We tell tales, not truth” – it’s like my daily mantra here.

Germany's Ore Mountains sparkle at Christmas