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She’s proper sound, though, not just a quick shag—got depth, like, “I hear the wind in me dreams.” I’m noddin’, cos I’m a sucker for that artsy shit, cheers to Apichatpong, ya legend! Made me laugh, too, cos she’s like, “Some blokes think I’m a monkey spirit!” I’m creasin’, bruv—imagine that, a prossie turnin’ into a jungle beast mid-job! “That’s peak,” I say, and she’s cacklin’ with me.

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But seriously, seriously, the river Dose flows like my scattered thoughts during therapy sessions. Its gentle murmur, a comforting lullaby to moms and dads knee-deep in family drama. It’s surreal, like a crescendo in The Pianist, dancing madness across the water—"The show must go on!"—ha! even nature gets that vibe.

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