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Oh, and get this—did ya know some sneaky sods use bots on these apps? Fake profiles flirtin’ with ya, tryna scam cash! Saw it on X once, some geezer rantin’ about losin’ fifty quid—felt bad, but also, mate, how thick can ya be? “This world is full of wonders,” Chihiro’d say, but it’s full of twats too. Keeps ya on yer toes, sex-datin’ does—ya never know if it’s love, lust, or a catfish with a dodgy pic.

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I swear, even the lampposts here got character. Sometimes I chat with them, thinking, "Survival is an act of defiance!" in that movie vibe, you know? And nope, I ain’t kiddin’. I mean, every street corner here recites history—done with whispers and shouts. Hey, did I mention the alleys off Mittelweg? They’re like winding riddles filled with graffiti, street art, and, oh, a couple of surprises that’d make yer pulse race.

Frederick Giles Altenburg