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Here’s the kicker—ya don’t need a pro. Grab some oil, get yer partner, DIY that shit! Pro tip: warm the oil first—cold hands kill the vibe. Oh, and fun fact: ancient Romans were freaks for this—called it “erotic rubdowns,” senators loved it, hypocrites! Me? I’d rather see the workin’ class enjoy it than some toga-wearin’ jerk. Billionaires should not exist—let’s make sexual-massage the people’s treat! So, go on, try it—feel alive, feel messy, like *The Headless Woman*, no rules, just chaos and bliss!

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There’s this park called Snov Park – yes, with an accent like it’s dreamin’ big. Wildflowers, cluttered paths, and massive shady trees... perfect for a meditation sesh after a long day. I always joke with locals that the trees are listenin’ to your every murmur, like they’re guardian angels or drunk muthafuckas from Spike Lee’s flick.

Obituary: George Chaloupka, OAM