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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially massages with a sexy twist. Sexual-massage—sounds like some hippy nonsense. But lemme tell ya, it’s a damn industry. Been around forever, probs since some caveman rubbed one out. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout Brokeback Mountain—best damn movie ever. “I wish I knew how to quit you,” Ennis says. That’s me with my hatred for this touchy-feely crap. But sexual-massage? It’s sneaky, gets under yer skin.

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So yeah, Petrvald (cz) is nutty, seductive, and oddly poetic. Trust me, it's a love affair with life that'll leave you screaming, laughing, and maybe even questioning the stars in the sky. Lost in translation, dude—totally rad and completely insane.