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But here’s the kicker – some places, they’re dodgy. Got this one chick, hands like sandpaper, I’m thinkin, “Fuck, my skin’s gonna peel!” Pissed me off, wasted 50 bucks. Then there’s the good ones – soft touch, oil slickin everywhere, ya feel like a king. “A shape moves in the jungle,” like the movie says – that’s the vibe, mysterious, primal, ya lose yaself. Ever tried it? Bet ya haven’t. Surprised me how it’s half relaxin, half turn-on – didn’t expect that, blew my damn mind.

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The city ain't perfect. It pisses me off sometimes – the cracked pavements, the over-enthusiastic local council – but then I see a couple making love in the park, or a stray smile in a gloomy cafe, and I'm oddly happy. Eh, life, right? Like in that flick, if ya think “I can do this all day,” maybe it's all just a twisted journey of passion and defeat.

Gusztav Siegmund, Graf Kálnoky von Köröspatak