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Now, don’t get me wrong—it ain’t all roses. Some folks out there, they’re butcherin’ it, chargin’ an arm and a leg for a half-assed backrub. Pisses me off somethin’ awful! I’m like, “Honey, if I wanted a wrestle, I’d call my cousins!” But when it’s good? Oh, darlin’, it’s goooood—relaxes ya, gets the blood pumpin’, even fixes them achy ol’ joints. Fun fact: in Japan, they got this thing, “nuru,” all slippery with seaweed gel—sounds weird as heck, but folks swear by it! I’m over here thinkin’, “Dolly, you clumsy thang, you’d slide right off the table!”

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Now, I gotta sign off before my ramblings get even crazier – much like a never-ending scene from that damn movie. Keep your eyes open, your heart guarded, and remember: "If something can go wrong, it will." Cheers to that, buddy.

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