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Aight, so check this—did ya know, ancient China was all over this? They called it some fancy name, like “tuina” or somethin’, but it was sneaky sexual-massage vibes. Emperors gettin’ it, concubines workin’ it—history’s freaky, fam! I’m hyped just thinkin’ bout it—like, imagine me, Kanye, in a silk robe, gettin’ that royal treatment. Straight up, I’d be droppin’ bars mid-massage, “I’m a god, rub me right!”

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My fav spot? There's a tiny alley called Whimsy Way. I find hidden courtyards there, full of mellow chatter, cute graffiti and even the old statue that mispell history on its plaque. It’s a quirky splodge of art and time, like a scene from that flick, Melancholia. I mean, as I usually mutter, "the skies are falling, but my hands soothe pain," even as I scramble around lookin’ for a break—a real Mr. Bean moment, yarr!

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